well.

What do you want?

I want to curl my fingers round my shoulders, tightly till you can see the blood squeezed through my skin. I want to shake my body violently, repeating that question, what is it do you really want?

It feels not too long ago when I was sitting in humid class room, just a little right from the nearest fan screaming at myself to turn my focus towards the teacher in the front. Then, I thought surely I was going to end up somewhere different, somewhere special. I was battling my inner securities and my outwardly different interests. The world was both so big and so small at the same time, my 16 year old mind could not see the vast landscape it beheld. In a few blinks I am back in the same city wondering how I end up like this, sitting in front of my couch with a bachelors that I never thought I'd take. 

I think I graduated in something I can't quite care about that much. But then sometimes, I do.

6 years later I'm asking the exact same question non the wiser. How do I go forward? How is it that some people show close to zero struggle in accepting their call towards their chosen profession. How is it that some others can't quite give a damn what they do. How is it that my battle can seem so eternal, and that my passion not quite strong enough, my talent not quite eminent enough, yet my doubt can never go away.   

6 years I tried to forget, to decipher the code that lies somewhere in the deep corners of my heart. When people ask me what of the future my answer is I don't know, because I truly don't. Sometimes I fear I will never reach my answer. But time will be the only answer and I won't dwell too long on that. This odd sensation of being happy and not quite knowing what in the world seems to be the cage I am caught a prisoner in.

Carpe diem.

I have both been able and not been able to do it. 

My life is a constant contradiction. 

Vienna, wealthiness in its most tangible form...

I was given the liberty to travel around after my graduation ceremony (yes I am now a graduate, and unemployed, and lost, and confused for that matter...) though not as long as I would have liked. But I'll take something over nothing anyday, and my first stop was Vienna.

Vienna as known to most people, is the capital of music. It is where many famous composers of the past have traversed around in the peak of their careers. It is also where Mozart and Vivaldi died in tragic loneliness in graves with locations unknown somewhere in the city. 

My one goal was to catch a performance and preferably by the Philharmonic Orchestra. Alas, it was not to be due to my indecision, my stinginess, and my short sightedness. But perhaps it was not meant to be cause none of the programme really excited me. 

I was in the city at a time a heatwave swarmed through Europe, making having a good time extremely hard. Nonetheless, Vienna is pretty as a pin sitting on the right breast jacket of a first lady, primed and proper to the utmost perfection. It is a city with walls oozing with wealth and roads that glitters with richness. Every building is a sight on its own, making every other European city I've visited pale in comparison. Makes me wonder what the city has done to achieve such opulence. 

Spend two days here and it is enough to cover all the major sights of the city. Among the more memorable is the Schonnbrunn Palace where I attended an Apple Strudel show. Furthermore, their Westbahnhof (train station) has got to be one of the best stations I've been to in my life! 

So two days was enough for me to paint a picture of Vienna in my head. But I have yet to taste and to experience its culture and find its hidden secrets that I am sure the city is bound to have. I leave with a note in my book promising myself that I will come back if not only to watch a show. Maybe one day when my pockets have grown and my budget vanishes... 

Harrogate, the happiest place in England?

Not too long ago (three years to be exact), I uprooted myself from a place far away to call England my temporary home. I was young, naive, and starry eyed, expecting to walk into some wonderland straight out of a fairy tale. Safe to say, I have learned that high expectations often lead to disappointment, as grey skies and unfriendly people seem to crowd my life. 

After my exams almost a week ago, my housemates and I paid a visit to Harrogate and the nearby Fountains Abbey. We were blessed with blue skies and sunshine, not a spot of rain to ruin the trip. Three years later, I was offered a glimpse to what might have been here, as Harrogate played a perfect host away from life. People are so friendly and helpful, flowers can be found everywhere. It would be an ideal town to retire or grow a family in. 

So. I don't actually have much to say or much to show. I am forever feeling like there's too many and not enough words. Forgive this nonsensical state I am in. You see, I am about to be a graduate. I am also about to be unemployed. By choice, they remind me. But still. 

And the walls kept tumbling down, Pompeii

Let me tell you a really tragic story. When I was in a naples, I hopped on the train to take a look round Pompeii. Being the cheapskate that I am, I refused to pay for a guide and trusted myself to understand what I was looking at. I was completely flattering myself as I couldn't make heads or tail out of what laid in front of my eyes.

Pompeii's history is suspected to go back as early as the 7th century, destroyed by the eruption of Vesuvius in AD79. Pricking my ears up and loitering around tour groups led me to learn why modern day humans are so impressed by this great archaeological site. It is because Pompeii was largely a well civilised and functioning city. It had authorities, elites, middle class, lower class and labourers. It had baths (which is more than what my home town can say), an amphitheatre and even a brothel! 

Some of the buildings that housed the wealthy had tiles and intricate layouts as a display of their wealth and status. The iconic pillars and statues survive still very much in tact boast of the skills and craftsmanship of the people who lived back then. Walking through the uneven stone path, I tried very hard to imagine what it was like as a city bustling and alive and not for the first time wished I had time travelling abilities.

I was sitting at the highest row of the amphitheatre giving my legs a break as well as eavesdropping on the guide explaining to the family above facts about this structure. He said that the theatre scientifically very advanced in terms of audio amplification, whether or not the architects understood the science that lay behind it. Standing at a spot right in the middle of the stage would create waves that converge and produce the largest amplifications (forgive my messy explanation, I have abandoned physics quite a number of years ago!) This is cool beyond measure. I wouldn't have came near figuring this out even with all our modern technology in place (of course I don't need to since its in probably all physics textbooks).

I remember clearly that I decided to return to my hostel after discovering the amphitheatre (discovering is an exaggeration since all I did was follow the crowd). The sun was blazing and I made the mistake of not eating before I started. To top it all off, I exhausted my water supply. Everything started to look the same to me, the stony path, broken pillars, grey walls, and even the trees. The blazing sun did not help and I felt so close to passing out. I did make my way out. Eventually.

At the end of the day I have nothing much to say about it. I'm sure it would have been amazing had I suck it up and part with a few extra euros to get myself a guide. It still was a pretty cool adventure since I really enjoy walking. It isn't hard to get from Napoli to Pompeii seeing as it is such a popular destination. So I probably would recommend a visit if you were near by. Just make sure you equip yourself with a guide, a guidebook, or at the very least a map. And food. 

High Tea in the lap of luxury, London...

Just a few metres shy of the River Thames, my friends and I made a visit to Corinthia Hotel to have our fill of exquisite sandwiches and fine desserts on our last day in London. It was overall a pleasant experience probably not to be repeated in the immediate future (and perhaps even a tad premature) given my shallow student pockets at the moment. 

However, you won't be hearing any complains from me. The sandwiches were delicious, the champagne good, the treats tasty. But my favourite part was the tea! Oh how evident the time I have spent in this country. I ordered a pot of Darjeeling tea, described on the menu as the champagne of teas. However, my driving factor was to cure the curiosity borne from Wes Anderson's movie The Darjeeling Limited.  Even when my stomach was at the verge of bursting, I continued to drink cups of tea because it was simply just so damn good. 

This ended my weekend getaway to London, which felt very much like putting on stranger's shoes masquerading around a big city. Not to mention avoiding the stresses of work calling at the back of my mind. But now I am back in my little comfort zone of a bubble, facing numbers and words everyday. As shiny the bright lights are in London, I have to admit the sigh of relief as I find myself back in the confines of my sleepy university town.

Onwards and upwards!

The Phantom of the Opera, London...

Nearly a year ago I attended my very first musical, together with my brother, we watched the West End production of Wicked. While entering into the theatre with apprehension, I came out of it so much more than just contented completely mesmerised by the performers with their elaborate dance numbers and songs, serving as both a visual and audio feast.

Impatient for the next time I get to visit West End once more, I made sure to book a ticket to a show for my trip to London. With such a wide variety to choose from, it wasn't hard to decide upon The Phantom of the Opera housed in Her Majesty's Theatre. It is after all the second longest running production in West End with the iconic composition of Andrew Lloyd Webber.  

Her Majesty's Theatre's opulent interior serves well to transport its audience to the setting of the musical itself - Opera Garnier in Paris. The story follows Christine Daae of Swedish descent, an orphan child of a deceased violinist working as a ballet girl in the Opera. In a twisted tale of love and drama, she is taken under the wings of a mysterious Phantom rumoured to roam the opera. She believes him to be the "angel of music" her father once promised her about. The Phantom disturbs the operations of the opera in order to achieve what he wants, which is Christine to be the star of his production. With modern technology, the Phantom appears to be even more ghost like with sound effects and all!

I remember watching the movie version when I was much younger. I didn't understand the premise of the story, neither did the songs register too much in my head. Watching it now at 21 in the theatre proved to be a much more fruitful experience. I am now rummaging through the vast resources of the internet educating myself on all things Phantom of the Opera. It turns out that the part of Christine was written for Sarah Brightman, who was the then wife of Andrew Lloyd Webber. 

Upon surfing through many videos on youtube (which seems to be all gen Y kids can do), I find that I thoroughly enjoy Sierra Boggess's performance as the lead. There is a special performance of the show in Royal Albert Hall that is available to watch on youtube, currently playing in the background of my life.  

It is hard to not find a reason to head down south to London with so much more theatre shows to watch. 

Winter Wonderland, London...

It seems that Christmas markets can't elude me, and I am like a fly attracted to their bright lights. After experiencing the original German ones, Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland wasn't high up on my to do list. Especially not since I was there last year as well. Going with the flow, I told myself to put on new eyes with the new year.

Without fail, the smell of hot drinks and desserts once again grasp my attention and I was soon taking out my pennies to spend on crepes and waffles. A band entertained the crowd in a cute little hut, welcoming people with itchy feet to dance to their tunes. Just before the park closed, I went up on a ride - my first in the UK and first in a rather long time - spun upside down and inside out, screamed my lungs out and had a thoroughly amazing 5 minutes. 

I won't discount Winter Wonderland again.

Maybe its because my father is an engineer, and he gets excited every time he sees an engineering feat (and points it out to us, of course), but this ferris wheel's structural veins fascinates me. I really wished I was with my family, either them with me, or me back home basking in the warm humidity that I will never take for granted again.

ich bin ein Berliner, Germany...

Before you go forward, I must warn you that the collection of photos that follow make no coordinated sense as they are more a random disorganised set of what is left from the blurry images found on my memory card. It reflects somewhat my own mindset roaming through Germany's capital, a little frazzled in the mind coming of intense train tripping of around 15 hours within 3 days.

In comparison to Munich and the other tiny towns we visited beforehand, Berlin was like a large maze much more vast with more secrets hidden in between junctions and corners waiting to be discovered by adventurous souls. It is also less photogenic due to its history with war and destruction. People often come here to reflect on the horrible incident that affected so much of us the world round. The Topography of terror, Checkpoint Charlie, and of course the Berlin Wall comes to mind at the mention of the city. We visited a concentration camp armed with an amazing tour guide who was both knowledgeable and interesting. The weather was a completely different story! During our 3-day stay in Berlin, the weather continued to rain on our parade, but it was manageable, after all we were a bunch of students calling North East England our temporary home where gloom and drizzle are two things we have become well acquainted with. On the day of our concentration camp visit, it rained, it poured, it snowed, and it even managed to hail. 

It was then I discovered how severe the holes in both my shoes were, with ice water seeping in to freeze my feet numb as snow continued to fall so fervently from the sky. It somehow painted a more believable picture of the camp transporting us back to a time where it was still in use. Without, the camp looked pretty much as it was, a now deserted operation for people to visit and imagine its life in the past. In other words, unused. Everyone was pretty much freezing with the chill burning us right down to our bones, we were soaking wet and shivering in the cold, but we were also layered up with modern day technology-infused winter wear. Whereas the prisoners back in the day only had their striped uniform that could hardly keep out any cold, or keep in any warmth. It is no wonder many of them succumbed to exhaustion and brutality of the natural environment.  

Two things that stand out in my memory now back from the trip is the Berlin Cathedral and the Christmas market in Charlottensburg, probably due to the change in menu in contrast to our usual meal consisting of some sort of pork meat variation. There, we feasted on a salmon bun and walked around our very last Christmas market in Deutschland before heading back. The Berlin Cathedral is a sight to be savoured. Unfortunately, we knew not of it and therefore did not get a chance to see the insides, though the exterior was enough to satisfy. 

I think Germany is a magical country. I also think my opinion is biased. But we encountered many beautiful sights and sounds, food and beer, and great wonderful people. Beyond that, they have a deeply meaningful history. Whether bad or good it is all so relevant to modern day life, particularly because of the significance of the country as a whole in the past as well as today. 

ps try the famous Berliner - a jam filled doughnut. 

Schloss Neueschwanstein the fairytale castle, Germany

Schloss Neueschwanstein was a must see on our German voyage for my friends and me. After all, it is this very castle that inspired the creation of Sleeping Beauty's castle now visible through tv screens and amusement parks of Walt Disney's doing.

The town where castle is situated in is a fairytale town of Hohenschwangau. The mist from the mountains adds to the surreal valour that seems to wasp in and out of the atmosphere. A day trip here is sufficient, stopping in Fussen from Munich first, hitching a ride on a bus next to Hohenschwangau. All possible using a single Bavaria ticket, with even lower prices if travelling with company up to five people. The castle itself can only be visited with a tour guide, advisable to be booked in advance to get the preferred tour slots (here). Do allow sufficient time for lots of photos of the picturesque surroundings and of course the castle itself.

Schloss Neueschwanstein, as with many other things in Germany, is accompanied by a fascinating back story. It sits atop a beautiful mountain, with windows that frame picture perfect sceneries from the interior. The castle, built by the tragic King Ludwig II of whom we found out from our guide 2 days earlier had homosexual urges and was utterly adversed to war and violence. Instead, preferring the arts and literature spending much of his days studying them. The King prayed to the Lord to fight his tendencies to no avail and was accused by the public of being too spendthrift. His expenditure towards Schloss Neueschwanstein and Hohenschwangau totalled 34 million in the currency used in those times. King Ludwig II died alone of unknown causes. 

Today, the mystic and beauty of his two works bring millions of visitors, not to mention an annual revenue equal to the amount he spent on their construction. 

 

If you find yourself anywhere nearby, don't miss the chance to step into the pages of a story book and be amazed if nothing less by the architecture of the castle.